Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
