I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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