the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
