so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
