let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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