I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
