it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
