You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
