That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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