did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
