glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
