I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The beer is more important than you right now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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