Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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