can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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