Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
