If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
