ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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