hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize