dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
