I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
