I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
