It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
