Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Randomize
