Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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