we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
