I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
