Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
