Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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