I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
