Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
