We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
