Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
