My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
