I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
