So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
