I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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