i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
