DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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