Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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