What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
