with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
