I heard we made out
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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