I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
