My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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