remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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