his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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