I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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