remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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