I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
