This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i need some magic done to my vagina
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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