Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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