what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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