i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
