i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
