Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Two words: blizzard sex
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
