She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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