Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
