I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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